I’ve been tucked into my notebook every evening for the last few weeks now. Every night I come home, eat dinner, catch up on what I missed during the day, then opened my notebook and wrote. For the most part I’ve been getting two pages a day down on paper, and it’s really been an incredibly fulfilling experience. I’m nearing what I originally was going to be the ending page count, and I think I have to add a few more pages so one character gets the expansion she needs. I’m loving the story and I’m really in the part that’s all about the action. It won’t take me too long till I’m done at this rate, and I can’t wait to see how it will finally reach the resolution I’ve seen coming since page one. I’m creating something, and I’m really genuinely happy to being doing it. If you want to read a bit from the story I’m talking about, you can read it in one of my previous posts, Thought I’d Share. The story’s expanded from what it started at, and I’ve got a lot of work to do in draft two, but it’s coming along, and like I said, I’m happy. I’m approaching the end and getting ready for the next book, which I’ll be writing for NaNoWriMo 2013, which means I’ll have a second book done before the end of 2013.
This is a massive accomplishment for me, and I can feel it. I’ve never written this much before in my life and I’m loving it. Stil, though, I get discouraged, and almost daily. I’ll get online and see the work other people have made and shared and feel a bit discouraged. There’s incredible art out there, and it feels like mine is a drop in a bucket that’s mediocre and doesn’t deserve to be seen. It’s full on self pity because there’s a ton of amazing work out there that I admire, and I feel like I can’t and won’t measure up to it. I’m not creating enough, I’m not showing it to enough people, I’m not getting as much positive feedback as I hoped. It could be any of those things, and even others that I’m not coming up with at the moment. With any of those, I make myself feel like I’m not doing things right and I could be doing things better. It’s a bit discouraging, to be completely honest.
Even dealing with that though, I can’t stop myself from looking at other people’s art. People are making incredible things in ways I could never do. I’m not a photographer, or a painter, a sculptor, or someone who can make a smart and beautiful looking game. I go low for a little bit, yeah, but then I pull out and feel even better than I did before I saw it. I end up getting an extra bit of drive and then I’m even more driven to finish what I’m doing currently. I’m getting anxious to share, and I didn’t even feel that last year when I was doing NaNo for the first time. I’m thinking about doing some other things later this year and into next year that I’ve never even considered doing before, and I’m actually excited about it. Writing and the art that I’m consuming every day now is starting me down a path that I’m excited about in a way I never have before. It’s really an incredible experience, and I’m glad it’s happening to me now.