This is such a weird month of the year. It feels like so much happens in such a short time, but it can feel like it drags in the most incredible and unlikable fashion. Other parts of the country may not experience this quite as much as areas that get quite a bit of snow, and then added chill on top of that, but January can be hard to get through. It’s a drag, a slog, and any other combination of words to bring around the point that this month out of most months is hard to get through sane. Here, it’s been cold, snowy (I think there’s some ice on it’s way), and really over all unenjoyable outside.
Finding a good place to read where you won’t be asked to buy something after you’ve had your nose buried in a book for an hour is at a premium. I think the libraries are the only place you can do that, but I can’t afford to buy a library card, so I’m out of luck. The movies are so expensive anymore that I have to be extremely picky. I don’t see my friends terribly often, but that is more a fault of my own that I need to find a way around. Still, combine all these factors with a job taking up a chunk of the day. On a side note with the job, I’ve noticed that people tend to be in their either best or worst moods of the year this month. I don’t know how the best moods would come around, but I can completely understand and not fault anyone for being in a horrible mood. Run all those elements together, and you’ve got a month where everything seems to go wrong at once, and you have to deal with it all for the rest of the month, or longer. Whether that’s the actual case or not, though, is another matter entirely.
I’m going to admit it right here and now. For the most part, this has been a rough two weeks in relation to work. Lots of rush jobs, lots of problems rearing their heads, lots of stress, and extra hours than I had normally planned at work. As I’m looking back now on the 27th, and I barely know where the month has gone. There’s been a few outstanding moments that seem to fit an overall narrative, but the majority of it seems to be blending together. Yes, I’ve had the bad times at work, and absolutely I’ve had bad times at home. That happens. That is the story of the history of humanity. But really, the problems in the overall view of things are just minuscule. Life is a collection of moments, and those take from both the good and the bad. At least I’m experiencing them. I’m not experiencing as much as I could, but that’s just something to work on, push with, and hope for as time goes on.
Sometimes, just taking things one moment at a time and not letting them pile up seems just utterly insurmountable to me. I’ll let one thing stress me out, then if another thing stresses me out, that opens me up to stress about another thing and it all compounds and stacks until it’s a conglomerate of bad, snuffing out the good. Then the bad is all I remember. I’m making an attempt, at least in the next month, to try and let things work one at a time in my head, especially in the bad and stressful moments. I do somehow pull that off from time to time, and when I do, I feel like I’m The Dude, not really giving a shit about anything other than the guy who peed on my rug, because, you know, that really held the room together. So hopefully in the next month I’m more The Dude when problems arise than George Costanza. Because (sadly), I’m more George than I’d want to be a lot of times.