That Strange Sensation

It’s been weird the last few days. It feels like we’re moving into autumn currently, even though I think that this is nothing more than a temporary dip of northern air into the midwest. The temporary feeling of the season doesn’t mean I hate this, though. I enjoy it. Actually, I honestly love it. Indiana is an area of two extremes the majority of the year. We’re either really quite hot when we are in the summer months, or we are downright freezing in the winter months. Spring, as a transition, isn’t really very long. It comes out to a few weeks total, if we are ever that lucky.

Autumn is different, though. It could start anywhere from the end of August and last us sometimes as far as the end of November. It’s not an extreme. It’s a nice long transition between summer and winter, and the time of the year feels nearly magical. The cool crisp air carries a light breeze that touches the leaves that are going their orange, yellows and crimsons as the trees finish out their year. Being outside at any time of the day is nothing short of a tour de force. The world is changing around you bit by bit, and you can see every little detail. It is like a slow transition from between two Earths.

The local coffee shops are relatively empty inside as it’s patrons take to the tables outdoors.  It’s not so cold that it is uncomfortable to sit outside and enjoy a warm drink. The food and drink choices change. Hot spiced cider becomes one of the drinks of choice, whether spiked or not. Pumpkin begins to rear its head in everything from foods to drink and even imagery, it’s orange blending in to the colors of it’s tree brethren. This isn’t a problem, unless you are allergic, and if you are, I feel so incredibly sorry for you.

When the temperature starts to cool, it makes you look a bit ahead, as well. The instant it starts to get as it is this week, I start to crave Halloween. The spooky and scary movies, the costumes, the imagery, the food, the life. It’s the one time of year where almost everyone seems to let go of that pretense of being completely adult, and being completely normal. The costumes will come out, mistakes will be made and enjoyed, and people will get to act either like who or what they want to be, as well as just someone or something that they think is incredibly cool. It’s the one time of year where it seems like costumes and parties and happiness truly seem allowable to the world at large.

I love autumn. I always have, and I always will. It’s the time of year that I most enjoy. It is also the time of year that I also can feel my most troubled. The changing period makes me turn a bit inward and backward, making me think of myself the year before, and myself now. I come in to autumn hoping to see myself a year better, a year closer to my ultimate goals, a year happier. Since college, this is the one thing I dread about this time of the year that I love. I feel like I’ve been staring at an alley with a wall at the end of it. Every autumn, when I take stock, it’s just been seeming that the wall is moving closer and closer, a crash ever looming. I’m so incredibly scared of hitting that wall at some point, and every year I fear that when I actually pay attention to it, it will have already been too late. I hit that wall and I will be stuck. I hit that wall and I am where I am, forever. I don’t move forward, I’m not creative, I’m at a dead end. I never want to hit that wall. This year, I still haven’t hit it, but it’s closer than ever.

Thankfully, next year will be a big year. It’s going to be a year of change. It’s going to be a year of incredible events. So this year, I may get that tinge of sadness of looking at the same wall as ever, but this time, I can actually see a brick missing and see what’s on the other side. I may not be stuck after all.

This could be the best autumn yet.

One thought to “That Strange Sensation”

  1. I don’t want to stoke your ego too much here, but I have genuinely enjoyed your writing recently. It keeps noticeably improving. Keep it coming.

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